Jess

My weapon of choice is butter.

[jewyorican on b l u e s k y @Jewyorican]

Here’s a thread of pelicans trying to eat animals other than fish. Hope this helps.

[Jess @thejessmess]

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

[Touré @Toure]

You’re not “doing your own research” unless you’re a scientist and you set up a lab and hold trials. If you don’t do that you’re Googling in hopes of finding the answer you want.

[Emily Atkin @emorwee]

I demand to know who is responsible for this https://t.co/baPmO8Qdim

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

Today I learned that corgi butts can float. Not sure what to do with this info, other than share it with you. 14/10 what a good buoy

[Brad Frost @brad_frost]

My friend played a Halloween prank on his wife with his smart home.

But it turns out he set it to repeat and can't figure out how to turn it off. So for the last 8 months, every Saturday night at 11:50PM their lights dim and turn red while Thriller starts playing.

[Naima Cochrane @naima]

This graphic from @decolonialatlas shows dates and locations of over 20 massacres of Black people in the US. The latest noted is the violent mass murder of 9 congregants who were in the middle of Bible study at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston 6 years ago.

[Katie @ZiziFothSi]

The real reason they discourage MRIs during pregnancy is because then people would realise they’re incubating nightmare demons and would be rightfully terrified

[Red Balloon Bookshop @RedBalloonBooks]

Oh, how sad this is! We'll miss getting to see new books from him, though the legacy he's left is incredible. 💔🐛
https://t.co/kONDsdZpU7

[Red Balloon Bookshop @RedBalloonBooks]

Oh no, and Lois Ehlert, too! https://t.co/CximQlOBll

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

“Time will solve a problem like Maria”

[BachShitCray @Bach_ShitCray]

Tell indoor maskless people “Congrats on being vaccinated!” and I guarantee you’ll be able to tell by their reaction if they are vaccinated or not. And then you’ll know who to avoid.

[Jess @thejessmess]

Lord grant me the confidence of a 4 year old declaring himself "the tallest guy in the world and the leader of the whole family"

[Jess @thejessmess]

I think this is exactly what happened. Although perhaps without the "trying to fix the problem" part.

[Lydia Kauppi @lydiakauppi]

If you know an evil villain living in the greater Minnesota area who is in need of a secret underground lair, I have the perfect property in Rochester

https://t.co/BDndx7y4a1

[Bo Bolander @BBolander]

this inside of this house is

it's like somebody decided to try and express generalized anxiety via interior design

https://t.co/Dmg5kWHTfy

[Libby Nelson @libbyanelson]

Sometimes I think about how @xkcd has just been out here writing a perfect social history of the pandemic in real time.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Prancer. He’s “the vessel for a traumatized Victorian child” who went viral for his brutally honest adoption ad. We are excited to share he finally found his forever home: one without men, children, or anything else he can’t h*ckin stand. 14/10