Tracy Macon

Someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard u are to handle, but still wants u in their life.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

[Regina Gordillo @testeshnikova]

A bike cannot stand up on its own simply because it's "too tired" ?.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

That one ex you don't want the world to know you dated.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

"I'll just sleep for 5 more minutes.." *30 mins later* "SHIT!!"

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

[Lovella Barrera @savelov75]

This is how my week goes mooooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday.. weeeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

Those who can laugh at troubles must be having a hilarious time nowadays.

[Laurel Felder @AMiroshkov]

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

[Gina Brown @1fPsverdlikova]

No... I'm not drunk.. Floors need hugs too.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: I'm going to the store to get Oreos. Cop: Double stuffed? Me: Of course. Cop: Carry on.

[Jacqueline Campbell @lludyakova]

Guess it's time to do some grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself in my fridge and left a note "I can't live like this..."

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

[Lillian Buck @SofioKirtok]

I was on the road to nowhere. And I arrived.

[Terri Reichard @bredikhinpolik1]

Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.

[Dominique Broaddus @tyagocheva]

Making faces at a baby when the parents aren't looking.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

When you drop something and try to catch it: 10% succeed and 90% hit it and make it drop 10x faster

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

My wife left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

Cop: "Sir, what's in that bottle next to you? Me: "It's water..." Cop: "Sir, this is wine" Me: "What? That damn Jesus! He did it again!"

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying.

[Velma Jones @izumixBlon]

Life is like a piece of chocolate you find on the floor. At first you're excited, but then you eat it and realize... that wasn't chocolate.