໊

i have to return some video tapes

[Alec @surialaw]

The ball is alive and doesn’t like being thrown around like that

[Swag Enabler @CyberVillainess]

The type of shit I be on

[Mike Truk ⛁ @Wallop4000]

facebook think i live in Cyrodiil

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

Uber driver(about to turn left into oncoming traffic) : I’m not religious bro. I’m all about truth. I’m a virgo. But that’s the thing bro god isn’t religious either. Hes the truth. God is the truth

me (last moments on earth): God goes crazy

[36 Year Old With Pacifier @tom_on_here]

Hey this is your DoorDash driver Tom, I was smoking cigarettes in my car and your food stinks really bad now ok?

[paddle @ipaddlearound]

(seeing a guy with a similar colored shirt as me) what the hell am i doing over there?

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Lmfaooo,,, (extending arms) Come hither bro. Lol. (getting cold feet) Actually - Go back from whence you came,

[dawn @rundry]

fuckkkkk i accidentally just got delivered unto evil instead of delivered from evil

[furby hancock @furby_hancock]

peekaboo is too scary. where does the baby go when you cover your eyes

[dj tsunderesaurus rex @lizardmancer]

There is 1 gay bloke in your area. Here, I will mark him for you on your map.

[Harrison Weinreb @harriweinreb]

Give it to me straight, doc. How old am I

[warrior cop @wyatt_privilege]

this twitter we clown in this muthafucka betta take your sensitive ass back to romanian prison

[matt @mattybtweets69]

I’m the first rapper to flex how many aphids he eats

[C @fbgcon]

Best sport on the planet