Macaroni Wife

Saying and doing all the gross things I wanna.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

We accidently caught the vmas after the saints game and @endlessjoe is acting like Dwight Eisenhower seeing the Rolling Stones for the 1st time or some shit

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

So like my son will never have a fuckin car key???

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Having a neurodivergent kid is wild is because he very normally just wants to play tag and red light/green light but is also a math genius? But also can’t answer a “why?” question.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Just added “Weenie Spaghetti Festival” to my calendar and I am not fuckin around.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

My sweet, precious, amazing, smart 5 year old absolutely sucks ass at hide and seek.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Cannot explain the level of fear paralysis I enter when a man over 60 says he wants to tell me a joke…

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@merrydevo I binged watched it and kept yelling “you make really bad decisions” multiple times at the tv

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@animatedGeoff Momentary suspense of disbelief, goddammit

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@merrydevo Another self-created, unnecessary guilt trip for women by women

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

All the professionals with children in New Orleans are hard partying, sex freaks and the childless 30 something are in knitting circles and shit.

[𝐬𝐨𝐯 @sovietsoleri]

things keep happening that make me want a cigarette

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Forgot all the access to technology differences between us and upcoming generations. I’m stuck on now I’m one of the last adults who can read and write in script.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@endlessjoe Been radicalized, mother fucker

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@merrydevo “Congrats” on pregnancy and an “im so fuckin sorry” for hyperemesis. Everyone I knew who had it was gaslight like a mother fucker

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

My 20 year HS reunion is coming up and I sent it my video yearbook vhs to be digitized bc I don’t have a tape player. Turns out I waited 3 weeks and paid $45 for a tv version of Ray as shown on FX.

[Gabby Sidibe @GabbySidibe]

Boy Meets World really played in our face having Topanga turn down Yale for Cory. Yale??? For CORY?!?!

Now if we’re talking Shawn, I would’ve followed him to DeVry.

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@endlessjoe Yeah, my
Algorithm isn’t showing me beheadings and porn

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

@merrydevo I’ll text you tomorrow about this

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Ok, so how many white people per year are driving a boat blind drunk? Easy 100,000/year right ?

[Macaroni Wife @weiner_sword]

Some woman just “complemented” me saying “I like your outfit. It looks like it’s from Talbots” and now I have to commit suicide.