.·.xo.·.

Stop acting so surprised when I'm weird.

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

Yes, I noticed.
I notice things.
I'm a noticer.

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

Oh, Alexa can see into the future now? I'm pretty sure this is what happens 100 years from now when they dig up my body..

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

Why can't sub sandwiches be more like star fish and just regenerate what I've eaten so that I always have more sub..

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

I can have more than 10 over tomorrow if it's dogs, right? Yeah no, the owners will be turned away but the dogs can stay.

[Julz&©️offee @lovejulieacafe]

Yes... they're REAL.

*my freckles

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Holding out for the Orville Redenbacher vaccine which comes with a free bag of popcorn.

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

I almost bought a desk chandelier.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

Weird girls that are ridiculous, awkward and eccentric are paramount to twitter.
If they’re funny too, you’re screwed.
💛💜🧡❤️💙💚🤎💖🖤🤍

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

My love for bright colours makes me whimsical AND easy to spot in an emergency.

[Mave @MavenofHonor]

So embarrassing when you think someone is screaming because you’re a monster, but they’re really screaming at the monster behind you

[Mave @MavenofHonor]

Please excuse any typos as I am currently in the window of an upscale department store pretending to be a mannequin

[JediMasster7 @aster7_m]

A Keurig machine...but for waffle, curly or regular cut French Fries

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

Where are my presents, I was promised presents.. #MyTwitterAnniversary

[ⓝⓘⓒⓚ @Tipocazzuto]

I don’t own a boat, but I have a few gravy boats and to me, that’s a lot more fun to have..

[☠Êv¡£☠Genius☠ @That_Damn_Duck]

Because I'm a kind and compassionate person, you stupid motherfucker.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

Stay sexy.
Eat cookies.

[CowboyX™ 🥃🦅🇺🇲 @Talkbackatme]

My timeline could use more bacon grease.

[Julz&©️offee @lovejulieacafe]

It literally takes all of 3 seconds to say HELLO to someone you've been thinking about...

*or to give me all the Halloween candy.

Make the right choice.

[.·.xo.·. @xofreckles]

Sshhhh... *points to the tv*... baseball...

[BRYAN KING @NOTBRYANKING]

I’ll squeeze your dads tits idgaf

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

If you need some free bad advice I'm happy to give it. Any subject. Always here for you.