Yeswell Sortof

I am beink on der Tvitter lonk time.

[Yeswell Sortof @YeswellSortof]

@billburr loving your stint as a BBC weather presenter.

[Yeswell Sortof @YeswellSortof]

@cluedont ROFL

[Geraint @geraintgriffith]

THE COCKEREL: Nature's way of telling us that it's perfectly acceptable to start screaming the moment you wake up.

[joe heenan @joeheenan]

Turns out the yoga I've been learning during lockdown is actually a YouTube video of a bloke trying to change a double duvet cover

[Brianna Sacks @bri_sacks]

another gem from my dad’s girlfriend. not going to lie i cried a little from laughing and it felt v. good. much needed

[Yeswell Sortof @YeswellSortof]

#tesco #tesconorthwich only letting 2 or 3 shoppers in at a time. Massive queues #coronavirus

[Neil @_Enanem_]

I'm listening to Careless Chinese Whisper, by Gorgeous Trifle.

[John Donoghue @JohnDonoghue64]

That awkward moment when you realise that your romantic new ‘white with rose bud’ bedding set makes your boudoir resemble a particularly gruesome crime scene...

[chip malfunction @online_shawn]

If you get robot arms don't get the cheap ones [starts clapping for no reason]

[cluedont @cluedont]

Always put the important stuff in the first part of your tweet, because no one will cat basket the walnuts if there's pickletits at the end.

[Jake Lambert @jakelambertcom]

Picture the scene: A Cowboy and a Doctor are talking.
Cowboy: "I bet they pictured me as white."
Doctor: "I bet they pictured me as a man."

[Mat @MatCro]

"Chest, chest, chest and chest, chest and chest" - T-Rex singing "Head, shoulders, knees and toes".

[@nd®é™ 🙄 @AndreTheViking]

Do you think you'd make a good sniper?

[ ] Yes •
[ ] No •
•
•
•

[RollmanInOz @Rollmaninoz]

Judge: and how does the defendant plead
Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes*
Judge: HAH do it again

[GoaT FacE @EndhooS]

Parmesan Sir?
"Yes please"
Say when.
*Grates Parmesan*
Sir?
"..."
*Grates fingers*
SIR?
"..."
*Grates entire hand*
Please...I have a family.

[Sean Leahy @thepunningman]

"Can I pet your dog?"

Sure, his bark's worse than his bite

[dog bites three fingers off]

"WHAT THE"

[dog barks so hard the sun explodes]

[Fuzzy felt eyebrows @TheRealNickKay]

Daddy Bear -"Someones been sleeping in my bed."

Mummy Bear -"Wouldn't be the first time."

Daddy Bear -"It's been 3 years Sue, let it go."

[mo @chuuew]

[BOOK CLUB]
ME: So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?
STEVE:
PAUL:
JANE:
SARAH:
MARK:
DAVE: