Mat

[Mat @MatCro]

I've been compiling another list of very silly tweets so here they are: Very Silly Tweets Vol 2

https://t.co/seR1jzjcap

[Mat @MatCro]

@M4ttso Thanks. That's it now until 2033

[Mat @MatCro]

@M4ttso Thanks a lot mate. I've been working on that since 2017.

[Mat @MatCro]

COP: Can you describe your attacker?

ME: No

COP: Didn't you see him?

ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives

[Mat @MatCro]

ME: I've been told I'm going to need a CT scan.

DAVE: Have you got a date for it?

ME: No, I'll probably go on my own.

[Stew Peters @realstewpeters]

OCCUPIED WORLD PREMIERE: WARNING! Sensitive Content, Viewer Discretion is Advised https://t.co/Iy1GFoNqjV

[Playteaux @Playteaux1]

Visiting Your Grown Kids

[Marty Lawrence @TeaAndCopy]

everyone on their third hour of watching the #OpeningCeremony

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

If you're worried about people remembering every embarrassing thing you did, think about it. Can you remember other people's embarrassing moments? No. That's because you're the only one who's ever done something embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with you lmao

[GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge]

"My work here is done" - Yoda, pointing at his desk.

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Wife: Sarah's husband gives her flowers EVERY day. I wish you'd do that!
Me: uh ok

[next day]
Me *giving Sarah flowers* no I don't get it either

[GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and I'm not sure if the shame alternates or if it's still me.

[Mat @MatCro]

GF: Why do you always include me in your Strava titles when we go for a run?

ME: (knowing it's to explain the slow pace to my mates) I want people to know how in love we are.

[Mat @MatCro]

@ThemeParkWW Did this in the rain one day and it was super smooth (for an SLC) and faster than usual. Great fun.

[Mat @MatCro]

@Stewa7t @ThemeParkWW @flamingolanduk We think Sik is the second best ride in the UK. Velocity is great fun and Kumali is a pretty smooth SLC. So, yes, a decent coaster line up and well worth a visit

[Mat @MatCro]

A zillion hours of quality streaming at my fingertips and all I want to watch is a local historian talking about snickets and a guy from Uttoxeter going on rollercoasters.

[Mat @MatCro]

@johnsrichardson Haha. Like that one.

[Mat @MatCro]

What's a word or phrase that as soon as you heard it articulated something you were aware of but didn't have a name for?

I'll start with mood hoover and bin juice.

[Mat @MatCro]

What if a basin knocked on your door, asking to spend 60 seconds in your house? Just let that sink in for a minute.

[Mat @MatCro]

@CBarronie Hello mate. More likely a sign things are going to get worse.

How are you?

[Mat @MatCro]

@Jennifeesforest Yep!