Juliette

Smile :)) It's the second best thing you can do with your lips...

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

I’m making sandwiches and giving blow jobs to the wrong mother fuckers

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Watching all 7 seasons of Sons of Anarchy a second time around, just to see if Jax Teller slips up and says something in a British accent

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

So a liberal atheist who illegally owned a gun shoots up a church, then is stopped by a legal gun owner and you want our guns? Fuck off.

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Apparently today is National Forget To Turn Your Blinker Off Day

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Every "Tyler" I ever met was just getting out of rehab.

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

I think hell is just a never-ending anxiety about being $30 shy of making your rent.

[Jimmy Shaw @roadkill3x]

If my dog could talk I'm pretty sure all she'd ever talk about was that one time she had some bacon.

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

Hilary Swank is handsome, I will give him that.

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

BATMAN: I got you flowers
CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase
BATMAN: Ok
CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Can someone please make a voodoo doll of me and touch it inappropriately?

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

AVOCADO: Hello I'm good fat

BACON: *lights cigarette* *punches avocado*

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

My friend's kid just asked the server for ballsack vinegar and now he's my favorite person.

[@kingamir @kingamir]

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up, find him, and suck his dick.

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Tried to get myself off this morning. Couldn't focus, my brain could only think of possible Candy Crush combinations. Fuck that game.

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

Dragged my thumb nail across my lady parts while wiping today so I'm into BDSM now.

[Juliette @0hJuliette]

I just called in sick to four companies I don't work at, from my desk at work.

[jordan @jordan_stratton]

According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.

[JC Tarp @jctwritesstuff]

You're right. I AM one of those rap guys' girlfriends.