Heather Nelson

Stop getting attached to people so fast, because attachments lead to expectations and expectations lead to disappointments.

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate bars and someone asks for 4, how many do you have left? Me: 10

[Theresa Burch @aksentiymanevi1]

If you dont know shit, dont say shit.

[Margaret Blais @musyakaeva1]

Mosquitoes should suck fat instead of blood.

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

You can't play with someone's feelings because you're unsure of your own.

[Winifred Sorensen @ErnestMiglovets]

Voldermort: "So all I have to do is lie?" Pinocchio: "Yup."

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

Those who can laugh at troubles must be having a hilarious time nowadays.

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

Panic attack: when you don't feel your phone in your pocket

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

I hope you choke on the lies you tell; but then again.. Its kind of hard to swallow that much bullsh*t.

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

You know you're fucked on a test when the Asian kid says "shit."

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with those automatic coupon takers at the supermarket.

[Donna Walker @81Brokha]

Care too much, u get hurt... Care too little, u lose them.

[Patricia Badilla @gelchiganierus1]

Admit it...When someone falls down...you laugh at them first and then help them up.

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

That awkward moment when you want to scare someone but they take too long to come out.

[Stacey Persinger @IskuiShagolina]

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy vodka, comic books, midget strippers, a pony andOH GOD I'M SO HAPPY!

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

My ex? We're not friends, we're not enemies. We're just strangers with some memories...

[Susan Baker @zdorovenkov]

A good neighbor is one that does not put a password on their WiFi.

[Monique Wolf @kzroychikov]

Remember when I asked you out? No. Yeah, me neither.

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

It took me a whole year to write a book. Stupid, you can buy one for $5.

[Carolyn Williams @DanyukovaLona]

Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a Plane." Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat."

[Heather Nelson @2016Smolyanov]

Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.