Martha Plante

Once they see you're doing better without them, that's when they want you back.

[Judith Quandt @ksogdatbanu]

You know you're fucked on a test when the Asian kid says "shit."

[Theresa Janson @mololina1]

This is how ghetto people count: 1) Wahh 2) Two 3) Three 4) Foe 5) Fieee 6) Sih 7) Selm 8) Ate 9) Naa 10) Teh 11) Lem 12) Twehh

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Once you turn 21, you can finally legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 16.

[Lisa Soto @ChernyakinKarl]

I keep a baseball bat under the bed, just in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me.

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

Some of your best memories will come from your dumbest decisions.

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate bars and someone asks for 4, how many do you have left? Me: 10

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

Hellurrr!!

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

2chainz is the guy from iCarly that sells bagels

[Tamara Lewis @florianarezchi1]

FUCK SCHOOL. FUCK THEM TEACHERS. FUCK THE PRINCIPAL. FUCK THEM UGLY ASS KIDS. FUCK THEM RULES. FUCK HOMEWORK. FUCK THEM FINALS. FUCK IT ALL!

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and still have the best time together.

[Theresa Miller @kborozdichev]

An autobiography is a book that reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

[Denise Flury @khisyuk]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

[Tracy Macon @ttelipman]

When you drop something and try to catch it: 10% succeed and 90% hit it and make it drop 10x faster

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

People need to worry about their own life and not whats going on with others

[Laurie Yohe @GelsemMega]

"You actually have friends...?" "Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

"Actually, you were born by c-section, son."

[Elizabeth Lopez @titenskaya]

Two types of honest people in this world are small children and drunk people.

[Bonny Birch @masyakinagalsi1]

Texting the same person all day and night and never getting bored just because you like them that much

[Martha Plante @StrongUlita]

It's a good thing I have a wife, otherwise I'd never know when I was wrong.