Orpha Morris

Every day is a chance to turn it around. Make today that day.

[Rachel Brown @apynackn]

Everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and I'm just over here like "I love food".

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

Money can't buy you happiness, but I'd rather cry in a mansion.

[Stephanie Crane @GorodkevichW]

We breath air, trees make air, homework kills trees. Therefore, homework kills us.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

Saying, "OH YEAH I REMEMBER" when you really don't.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

Dammit, this spermicide didn't work at all. My kids are still here and now they won't stop whining about their eyes burning.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

"You've changed" ... No actually i think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please your ass."

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

If you tickle me, I'm not responsible for your injuries

[Shannon Hobbs @sukonnovevstra1]

Nothing will ever change if you just sit there and don't have the balls to make it happen.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

I don't care if it's 5am. I don't consider it "tomorrow" until I wake up.

[Judith Snow @sass841]

Am I on twitter? Hell yeah! Did I text back? Fuck no! Did I see your subtweet? Surely did. Do I give a fuck? Fuck no!

[Keva Hartley @DiyaginMr]

When you are losing an argument on the internet, remember that attacking your opponents spelling and punctuation is always advisable.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

Right now you have 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support, and you're scrolling with your thumb.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

iPhone + iPad + iMac = iBankrupt.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

"You are what you eat." Thats funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

I wonder why guys mistreat and disrespect women. But then expect life to hand them a good woman when they're ready to settle down?!

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

The 1st was masturbating, but that just made funerals awkward.

[Orpha Morris @74Agapit]

I miss being a kid. No one cared how you dressed, we were all friends, and you could be yourself. When did we turn so judgmental?