Patricia Jensen

Keep your words short and sweet, because you never know which ones you'll have to eat.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

Not to be competitive, but I am an excellent sleeper.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

I am always right even when I am right about being wrong.

[Lynne Swarts @84Venusta]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

[Joan Villarreal @oizotchenko]

Don't place your happiness in someone else hand, because once they're gone, so is your happiness.

[Leigh Cavender @IoannKhalfin]

Sitting at Home: "Oh. It's raining. Cool." Sitting at School: "HOLY CRAP IT'S RAINING!! LOOK!"

[Carrie Paez @95Marygina]

Life is like a piece of chocolate you find on the floor. At first you're excited, but then you eat it and realize... that wasn't chocolate.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

Why do banks lock their pens to the desk? If i'm trusting you with my money, dont you think you can trust me with your pen?

[Audrey Murphy @skamarya]

That awkward moment when you're trying to explain how a song goes but you really don't want to sing it

[Joanne Skinner @AkovreshkinW]

Most accidents are caused by people who drive in 1st gear while their minds are in neutral.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[Mary Todd @msibilla1]

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

[Vicky Billingsley @87Shalunov]

The death penalty: Killing people that kill people to show people that killing people is wrong.

[Wanda Hitt @chumovatova]

Finally found my wife's G-spot when I grabbed the handle of the vacuum cleaner.

[Sandra Golden @zhamnovf]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

[Angeline Johnson @Deresh88T]

Offering someone food and secretly hoping they don't want it.

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

Will you go out with me? (a) Yes (b) a (c) b

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

"It means 'to be happy'."

[Patricia Jensen @97Savin]

What do atheists do with their money? Surely they don't carry anything around that says, "In God we Trust"!

[Ashley Barrera @fedosya_nice]

Yelling random numbers when someones counting. You are truly cruel!

[Molly Digirolamo @shedzl1]

Shit happens , just flush the toilet and move on.