Brief Jerkey

Caffeine and Alcohol.

Former zygote. Current air breather. Future worm food.

[Skinnie Talls @SkinnieTalls]

Most of my tweets will make zero to little sense, this is what mathematicians call range.

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

@lipsaahoy @reycarlos_88 in Russia fuck makes you

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

Catheter commercial on tv during breakfast:
"Shove this tube up your dickhole. Ours is smoother - no more tearing!"
*Barfs

[Kent Graham @KentWGraham]

My daughter got my wife’s looks. Especially the one where she looks like she wants to strangle me.

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

Why did the chicken fall in the well?

Because he didn't see that well.

[Cookie’s Eye Candy Redux @sfreeze6]

Sorry I called your gramma a "turkey-necked bitch" with "weak ass peanut butter cookies".

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

Jeff Gordon retired from NASCAR & now he's singing for Stereophonics.

[Bance the Crapper @Bohan_Identity]

7/11 was an inside job

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

If they come out abd say coffee is bad for you - I'll be dead in a couple of days.
If they say it's good for you I'll live FOREVER.

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

You guys close the curtains at night so the snipers don't get you -
Right?

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

*goes to conference*
*fills purse with free croissants*
*leaves*
*buys 6-pack*
*sits in car rest of day*

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

@Lovestained555 loving the Atari swag

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

@thenoahkinsey 40s me: can i be one of the dudes you've slept with

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Pig: will we be friends forever?
Winnie the bear: no
Pig: friends until we die?
Winnie the bear: friends until I learn how to make sausages

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

@moose_chocolate Nirvana is the new "elevator music" apparently.

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

Axl Rose sings AC/DC #IrritateMeIn4Words
#Coachella

[Brief Jerkey @BriefJerkey]

No justice, no peace?

How about no resistance, no force?