Chuck Odinson

Slipping into entropy with the rest of you fucks

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Guess whose dead inside

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Too young to die, too old to eat off the kid's menu

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Passive-aggressively coming out of my cage and I've been doing just FINE.

[rob from online 📱 @robfromonline]

psychic: you're going to be run over by a small SUV

[later]

me: {being hit by a subaru outback} i mean i'd call this more of a crossover but whatever

[Jack Boot @IamJackBoot]

Your wife's names for the people at your office:

The girl we talked to at Kohl"s
The guy who looks like Kevin
The lady whose kids went to jail
The one who survived fingernail cancer
The slutty one
The guy I thought you said they fired
Fat Bruce Willis

[david @_elvishpresley_]

sometimes when people say JK they aren't actually K at all. they're S. they’re S AF.

[Sassparilla @Megatronic13]

Me: OMG I love this song

Radio: should I play it again

Me: okay

Radio: fifteen times

Me: wait

Radio: every hour

Me: no

Radio: for the next six months

[Super Doll says BLM 🌹🍞 @superdollman]

Lumberjack: Timber!

Me: Thanks, wood nerd, i know what a tree- *gets crushed*

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

-What are some of your weaknesses?

-I don't know when to quit.

-Good, you're hired.

-I quit.

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

[symphony audition]

ME: *nods*

PANEL: *nods*

ME [turning my cello sideways and strumming it like a guitar] anyway here's Wonderwall

[BoJack Horseman @BoJackHorseman]

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Yeah can I get a #iPhone Extra Small Maximum?

[Apple @Apple]

The all-new iPhone XS, iPhone XS Max, iPhone XR and Apple Watch Series 4 are here. #AppleEvent

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

I thought you only had to spell words at spelling bees not whole fucking sentences

[riley 🚀 @riley_hp]

[spelling bee]
Host: your word is sentence
Me: can you use it in a sentence
Host: can you use it in a sentence

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Trying to take your jacket off on a crowded bus without touching anybody around you is adult Operation©️

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Butter is a milkshake

[BoJack Horseman @BoJackHorseman]

moist

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

The day of the week has no impact on the quality of your thoughts #ThursdayThoughts

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Hey quick question: What the hell, man?

[Chuck Odinson @ChuckOdinson]

Hey quick question: What the hell, man?