Emily Gerber

Older, but no wiser.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

You're so vain, you probably think this tweet is about you.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@AppleWriter @colleen_eileen @mikehapner Followed by a good sort by cell color? Really gets me going in the morning

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@superlax @skyler_higley

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@loud_socialist Done!

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@MatthewTorbitt Even better, no benches!

[🦕 Isaiah Cole Torre 🦖 @IsaiahCTorre]

Always and forever.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@skyler_higley Sitcom freeze frame energy

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@blondederin @colleen_eileen Don't tell me the phanatic is an anti-vaxxer.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@skyler_higley Reminds me of when my daughter was about 5 and we took her to see March of the Penguins. A few minutes in, she leaned over to her dad and whispered "How does this guy know so much about penguins?"

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@VeryBadLlama I feel strongly that your mom and I should be best friends. The moment when she found there was even MORE joy to be found turning sideways? That is the energy I need in my life.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@skyler_higley So getting pregnant is just the ultimate form of identity theft.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@PleaseBeGneiss Learned everything he knows about human interaction from a raccoon in a trench coat.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

Just a man ordering a very normal number of donuts.

[MeidasTouch @MeidasTouch]

JD Vance had a very awkward visit to a donut shop in Georgia earlier. Trust us, it’s worse than you even think.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@50FirstTates I think you misunderstand. The saying comes from the early nineteenth century, when particularly effective salespeople were referred to as "hotcakes."

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@bodhismall If you ever get tired of that, you're welcome to join me and my friends in calling the Hutchinson River Parkway "Old Hutchy." Okay, it's just me.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@TheFaceOfDave Thanks, Dave. I'm never eating Grandma Style pizza again.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@DylanoA4 @loud_socialist You, of course, have known this for some time.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@Natt Reminds me of one of my late mother's favorite jokes: There's a vas deferens between men and women.

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@RaptorBreath Crisis at the border

[Emily Gerber @EmilyGerber2]

@TheAndrewNadeau Hi ho!