Maggy Austin

Alabama native stuck in the midwest. Mom, wife, Animal rescuer.

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

The Ultimate Unlimited Data plan & no contract is undeniably perfect. #straighttalkrewards https://t.co/7jXC5sw6S2

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

I’m training to be the #LastFanStanding during today’s big game, and win a Mercedes-AMG! Check it out at https://t.co/J2aLZ0RfNe https://t.co/f4U4Y8C60Q

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

@iamdebbiem so I just realized you're from Richmond! We just moved here, any favorite places we should go?

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

@spiceebrown @okimstillhungry And that's why my 2 year old struggles with potty training with those, she gets scared and dives off middle of going 😂

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

@Delta any idea why DL5335 is still stuck on the tarmac? Atl-shv.

[Maggy Austin @IFinallyHatched]

@iwearaonesie @AustinDerekea

[Nuclear Winter @4SLars]

It's never too early to get your tactical extraction plan in place for family holiday functions.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

GENIE: You know you can use your third wish for something else.

ME: *Holding 2 lightsabers* Like what?

[G a b r i e l - I g l e s i a s @fluffyguy]

U either get it or u don't

[eEric @ericsshadow]

Does anyone know how to drink more water? It seems like a lot of work.

[Julie Goldman 🌴🥥 @MrJulieGoldman]

Millions of women have said Me Too. How many men would be brave enough to say “I’ve done it” then maybe we have a real place to start. 💣👍🏼😡

[Jennifer S. White @yenniwhite]

Sometimes, when I'm having a rough day with my kids, I slow down, take a deep breath, and text my husband
GET BEER.

[She’s A Real Genius🥸 @ShesARealGenius]

The C in "stalactites" means that they descend from the ceiling, and the G in "stalagmites" means that they are straight-up gangsta.

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try

[Serg @bonehugsnirony]

Oh, you don't like Radiohead? Well, aren't you special? So fucking special

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

What I say: Do it NOW.

What the child hears: Don't do it. In fact, don't even move. Just continue playing that iPad game until 2019.

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

A woman climbed Mount Everest twice in 5 days and I just spent 5 minutes trying to grab the remote with my foot from my side of the couch.

[Amy Dillon @amydillon]

My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."