Jamey

Not my first rodeo. Just watching the fools go by. Don’t add me to your room. equal opportunity retweeter here

[Jamey @JacksnJamie]

Hey baby, you still crazy or nah?

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

That guy who tried to steal my stationary bike didn't get very far.

[Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin]

I don’t go out and do things. That’s just not my style.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Never underestimate the healing power of pizza.

[Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK]

I'd probably go out more if it wasn't for all the damn peopley people peopleing about

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Today, I'm going to go all out and get a fine bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill 1985.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

I don't know if I'm coming or going, but I know I'm in the way.

[˖*༄𝔄𝔖𝔦𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔗𝔥𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯 ˖*༄ @TheBeardLife1]

Connections are rare, so dont ignore them!

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Celebrate NYE, what are you nuts? That would require me staying up past 8 pm. What if I get my midnight kiss now and I'll say Happy New Year to all my friends.

[Busted Flip Flops @GrillinChillin9]

When two men pass each other and give each other a head nod that’s an entire conversation in less than two seconds.

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

I'm so simple that the like button turning into confetti 🎊 makes me giddy

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

This year has gone by so fast I haven't had time to lose weight

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Me: goodnight moon

Moon: goodnight goon

[Jamey @JacksnJamie]

I’m not overweight. This is my hibernation body I’m working on

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Alexa, clean the house

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

Grape soda doesn't even taste like grapes, but it sure as hell tastes like purple.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Today is Tuesday. You’re welcome.

[Richard Harris @RichHarris2]

Remember when Twitter was simple and fun and we got to read witty and funny tweets. Good ole days.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

I really racked up the miles on my watch when I retraced my steps to see where I left my sanity.

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

There's no life problem that a good "Fuck this shit" can't solve.

[i @tulobh]

Merry fucking Christmas Eve, all you pathetically lovely motherfuckers!