KnowComment

Shorter than you think.

[KnowComment @KnownComment]

I mean, technically aren't we all "foodies"? I've never met anyone who's like "nothing for me waiter, I'll just photosynthesize".

[🖤 EV 🖤 @sweetcrazyweird]

You don't scare me. You're not one of my tweets going viral, turned into a meme, and shared all over Facebook.

[☕️Saint Vivica, Patron Saint of Coffee ☕️ @QueenVofCoffee]

Just spilled my oatmeal all over the carpeted floor. In case you wanted to know how put together I was.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

I dreamt about my one true love last night, pizza, I dreamt about pizza.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Some people believe that if their SO takes all the covers at night they’re either cold or horny, if they guess wrong they will be bitched out at 2 am.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Coffee is not just a beverage, it is a cup of liquid sanity.

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

She hides her chocolate Truffles where I can't find them, I hide my Reese's and she finds them, we are not the same.

[KnowComment @KnownComment]

@ItsACornNut You bastards!

[✯A̷T̷O̷M̷I̷C̷ ̷R̷O̷B̷O̷T̷✯ @Gelatin_Cyborg]

Oh, you "experimented" with drugs?

Show me your well documented and rigorous adherence to the scientific method.

[baby smith @itsBABYSMITH]

holding a severed head, but it's just me cradling my emotional support butter lettuce

[KnowComment @KnownComment]

The enemy of my enemy is probably still kind of a jerk.

[Iris 💫 @Jest_Iris]

the helium shortage is only being made worse by inflation

[Friendly Remainder @MrMattThomas]

I was the first person to turn music up really loud on my phone as a way to locate my misplaced wireless headphones. I invented that.

[A-Moo’s Bouche 🐮 @AsclepiasRosa]

Catastrophes are so much better with Morgan Freeman narrating.