Larry the Deacon

I don't drink and I don't chew. I don't 'fellership' with those who do! The KJV is the only one that's true. You follow me, and I'll follow you. [parody]

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

Who's this #Chewbacca character anyway? Don't they realize that chewing bacca causes cancer?

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

If I wanted to wear ashes, I would stick my head in a fireplace. Kids these days.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

Churches that smear ashes are apostate churches. Trust me, my church is right and yours is wrong, kiddo! So says myself.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@swplate57 Books encourage intelligence and freedom. And, they undermine religious oppression! Psh! Who wants that!? #soloscriptura

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@BitterBlueBetty Kids these days! Such wantonness and lack of respect!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@dchism00 I don't judge, I am a fruit inspector. Know the difference, boy!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@BackRowOnline Sugar is just like alcohol, boy! We are revising our by-laws to outlaw such carnal indulgence!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@CharlieDog2015 @ChruchSecretary They're trying to prove the devil's heresy of evolution. It's and agenda, I tell you!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

I warned #CamNewton about those girly britches and high heel shoes. Pride goeth before a fall, lad! And a fall cometh before a fumble.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

I heard what you said, Mr. Manning. Lots of beer, eh! The "man upstairs" is not pleased!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

Don't y'all kids be skipping church tomorrow night. God is not a fan of pro ball -- or ladies' britches -- or zebras.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

I don't care what them doctors say. Gravy n biscuits are the healthiest thing this side of the Mason-Dixon!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@dchism00 that is heresy, lad! Yesterday's rhetoric is the way of the future. It's why the church is growing by leaps and bounds.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

Coffee is the deacon's drug of choice. It'll help us be ready for the rapture. https://t.co/F6WkVgD8dT

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

That Shkreli is quite the whippersnapper. He's like a rookie youth minister. He needs to be humbled!

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

@SmallishChurch Oh, but I'll be calling you with important business. The work of the Lord cannot rest, my lad!

[Liz Fenton Decker @LizFentonDecker]

@DefendTheSheep Many of these fund/evangelical memes are a back-handed smack to those who don't follow their particular 'rules'. Smug indeed

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

The deacons met last night. We voted whether or not to allow tornadoes to pass through Mississippi. It was a split decision.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

I ate me a groundhog once at church homecoming.. all day singing with eating on the grounds. Good times. Very dark meat.

[Larry the Deacon @LegalisticLarry]

And now Charlie Rose from CBS is wearing those girly britches. I tell you, it's sin run amok! #Versace