AutoMATTic

[AutoMATTic @MattMaltese]

I was pooping in the 1st one

[k(im)🖤 @themilfalt]

Studies show that cumming twice on a Monday morning before work improve your mood. (It’s a study I just performed)

[Pastor Kyle. @itsqail]

Someone out there is miserable on the 401 right now

[Lord ✞ @LordofMafia_]

Ngl if we dating only one of us can be on twitter and its gone be me

[bunny @fadedbunny]

how the fuck are people celibate?

[bunny @fadedbunny]

the grass is green wherever i stand

[AutoMATTic @MattMaltese]

@throatenator Real friends been doing this all along

[Robert Schultz @_RobertSchultz]

a subtle sign that a girl comes from money is if she likes her dad

[lxlia @lxlyuh]

hi can i matter to you

[michael @worstmichael]

thinking about the time I chatted with a beautiful woman at a party and the next day she messaged asking if I wanted to get coffee and I said yes and when we did she was like “I’m worried about you and thought you might need a friend”

[🎙 @6ixIn6]

Yeah, sucks waiting for a decision that should’ve been made way earlier doesn’t it Adam?

[⋆┈┈｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆ @periwinkle333]

you guys dont get it, i know there are plenty of big dogs in the world, but like around here im Big Dawg its me

[死 @humanxmaybe]

well if it isn’t the angel from my nightmare

[lumi @lumiagww]

and as my final act of acceptance, i wont ask why anymore

[死 @humanxmaybe]

entering my swag era a decade too late

[computer @computer1010101]

I'm not built for love or a job

[g @34rths]

Perverted freak with a pure heart that only
freaks when froken to

[ʟօ @mamaLo_xo]

can’t relate to the “I don’t care what people think” mentality because yes, I care deeply that people know I move with consideration & couth.

[jules @gaythotgirlson]

big emotional regulation and big dialectical behavioral therapy don’t want you to know this but sometimes the closure IS in that drunk text

[Kelly Frog 𓆏 @frogcowgirl]

forming a conspiracy theory about The Lettuce. watch this space

[Paxxiana Benihana @paxxiefbaby]

whoever created deodorant was fed the hell up