*BestServedIceCold*

[Owl @owltwting]

just hooed after sitting completely silent on a tree for 8 hours straight

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Which essential oil smells most like a pyramid scheme?

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

This is the guest bathroom. It's where we flush dead bugs.

[Heatherhere 👽 @Heatinblack]

All squash become decorative squash if you forget to cook them

[FloatOn🎈☕️ @musicntats]

Life sucks.

Get a helmet.

[진아 @EdgarPoop1]

I eat spicy food like my butthole owes me money.

[BrittyStarSeed @RootsAndRituals]

Never blame others for the road you're on.
That's your own Asphalt.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

I can’t really explain it, but the second half of the alphabet is more exciting than the first.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

I remember when the toy in the McDonald’s happy meal was a pack of menthol cigarettes.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

[laying on the hood of a car, gazing at the stars]

I bet zebras make piano sounds when you pet them.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

When I was young I was poor. But after decades of hard work, I'm no longer young.

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

Do people who drіnk eggnog know іt’s reіndeer semen?

[The Curious Optimist @VitaeArcanum]

I’m wearing £29 panties and I have £15 worth caught up my ass

[slice @sliceofheck]

I always used to walk in on my parents having sex, to cheer them on

[Doc Johnny Fever🎙 @NikiMarinis]

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a wood chipper, rented under a fake name.

[Ellice @ElliceRocks]

Bitch, learn your knots and oil your chainsaw next time.

You're making us look bad.

[🇨🇦🏒Canadian Beaver 🏒🇨🇦 @CanadianBeave13]

Top Canadian Sex Positions

Toronto Totem Pole
Buttered Up Flapjack
Muskoka Milk Bag
Two-Handed Zamboni
Reverse Wayne Gretzky
Triple Tusk My Walrus
Full Mountie
Musty Goaltender
Kokanee Kunt Krusher
Pick Up Your Doggy Poop Style
Cleaver My Beaver