friend with zero benefits 🥃

shenaniganizer

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@HawkEmDownChris Jim Rice

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@robertgraham Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@AndrewDesiderio “Texas is going blue” and other lies we tell ourselves to feel better, yay!!!

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

And the chicken, is it jerked in house?

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

“everyone celebrates st pattys in their own way…right boys?” I whisper tenderly to my shower beers

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@halbritz They’ve been letting the A10 in for one more for the past couple decades it’s a beast

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@PaulSodergren @CityOfBoston

[Mac @moneylinemac_]

I still can’t get over the fact that getting hammered at a Chinese restaurant is like a foreign concept to people outside of New England

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@BenjaminCrew1 Teddy

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

Imagine your bike has been at the Wright Brother’s repair shop for weeks and you see Orville suddenly whiz over your head in a contraption

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@QueenAnticommie same

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@roomcguire Redact this

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@WallStreetApes there is nothing normal about this

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@ludensee Dude needs a drink, get his head straight

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@steaakfriend I wish I could bleach my eyeballs

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@SirJeremyLondon I’m sorry he what

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@Hybrid_Ola when is that asteroid hitting our planet again? anytime now would be great

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@Advo_Katy @andrewklavan hot BM is right…now flush it

[friend with zero benefits 🥃 @SeanWestaway]

@JebraFaushay clown post