Mental Masochist

Ambers love was like a marble.

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

They said "we have to address the elephant in the room" at my intervention and I'm like you're the delusional ones seeing invisible animals.
Then I high fived it and rode it the fuck out of there.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

Hey who’s looking for a manic-sexual, hyper-vigilant girlfriend with an insecure attachment style, that grows her own heirloom radishes and will act out west side story in real time?

*finger guns forever

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

I tweeted all my best drafts and they bombed. So there's that.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

Death by a 1000 $8/mo subscriptions. I’m microdosing hell.

[ANAÏS NINJA @michikoconuts]

Asking Ai about love is like tryna ask your toaster financial advice.

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

I've been taking a shot everytime I see a commercial on YouTube and it's fucking up my sobriety

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

I have good luck but my good luck is on acid

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

My “irrational” fear of ladybugs has kept me alive this long.

[ᑎIᑕᛕƳ ᗷ @Nickynbr]

And for the lady, perhaps some uncontrollable laughter.

[CoCo @unhingebinge]

Remember who you fucking are!

Even if you're an idiot who can't find matching socks to wear.

[Opioid Cunningham @anthracitedub]

I’ve designed a few people’s tattoos and for that, I’m sorry.

[SentientBunnySuit🐰 @SuitSentient]

I like to leave reviews that are so anonymous I don't even tell people what I think.

[David 🎃 @DBStoner]

Stop trying to force the issue.
Show some patience.

[E~ville @E_Ville13]

Please kill me.

Sincerely,

The Messenger

[Ganja Lilly @PureGanja1]

I had a nightmare last night.
The whole world stopped making pasta.

[Benny 'The Pole' Rollins @citizenkawala]

I bet I could order a Mount Dew flavoured pizza from somewhere.

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

I'm at that point in my life where I avoid mirrors

[tater🍁 @TrueTorontoGirl]

Old habits die hard because they're so damn familiar.

[Idunno @oksheesh]

Becky called me from customer service but she sounds male and Indian

[Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire]

*settling into bed*

My bladder: Hey girl heyyyy

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

If chocolate wouldn't taste so good, I wouldn't have a problem.