Zak

Florida Cop with an awesome girl, pup and daughter, enjoying the sun and what life brings :)

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

what's the first thing I'm gonna do after this pandemic?

use a chainsaw on stuff

[Kitty Kat @katbuble]

If ignorance is bliss, I'd rather be wise and miserable.

[pantless papple @pantless_papple]

13: dad, what's a vasectomy?

Me: well honey, when a daddy loves his kids very much but is sure he doesn't want any fucking more..

[Momma G @TheOnlyMommaG]

Call me old fashioned.. but I still feel your like real life should take precedence over your internet persona.

[Kieran @kieransofar]

me: the earth isn’t flat

fiat earther: correct

me: huh?

fiat earther: it’s the shape an italian car

me: what?

fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

[💯ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪𝔸𝔽👑🍄𝔹𝕦𝕥ℂ𝕦𝕥𝕖💯 @Crazy_ButCute2]

Time to pour a drink and think about what you've done

You know what you did

[💬 @KaBEAN_a]

We all have a place in nature that feels like home. For some it’s the forest. Others, find peace in the mountain air or hidden between the secrets in dark caves. But for me — it’s in the sea.

[𝕯arƙ @darkronicle]

Love her hard when she's feeling unlovable, motherfucker.

[Zak @Zakdorman1]

@JacquieStafford Home.....Culver's...... my house? Lol

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

Get the vaccine or don't get the vaccine just please STFU about it.

[Emmy Bacon 🇨🇦 @EmmyStar79]

I say a lot of stupid shit, but my intentions are good.

[Zak @Zakdorman1]

@JacquieStafford Never!!! Kyu will always Dutch oven you ;)

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

What does it mean when I type “egg” and my phone wants to add “McMuffins”?
Is that sexting?
Is my phone sexting me?

[Zak @Zakdorman1]

@JacquieStafford Lmao!!!! I'll help you next time :)

[Zak @Zakdorman1]

@JacquieStafford Meee too :)

[JRGin @GinRumMe]

Nextdoor: Hello neighbors.

Me: No.

[Dark Rabbite @DarkRabbite]

things that can't be canceled: me being an idiot

[Mental Masochist @SentientSadist]

My sock puppet won't talk to me unless I do butt stuff with it.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Did you people forget how to drive while you were locked down or locked up or whatever you were