Allison Carpio

Direct response copywriter for health+fitness entrepreneurs. Formerly @kissmetrics. Never afraid to tell a cheesy joke! Mmm, cheese...

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@uber_support I’ve had an unreplied ticket since last Friday for a Jump Bike ride. How do I get a response?

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@delta also, on the way here you put me in between TWO PARENTS with a newborn baby. How does that make sense

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@Delta asked to change my seat. Lady said she’d “put a note in” When boarded, someone had same seat as me. They ended up giving him an aisle seat. Why?

[Courtney Sorrento @WNYCoco]

@allisoncarpio Super interesting interview with @copychiefteam!!!

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@willhoekenga CAPTCHA once asked me to type in Chinese characters. #imnotevenchinese

[Faber @dfaber84]

I wonder how Jeff Bezos became the richest guy in the world.

- Me as I take 47 Amazon boxes out of the house

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

Sadly, this is exactly why I only work with direct response companies (even though I live in SF) https://t.co/jvmvsY4WpB

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

TSA precheck is awesome...if your printed boarding pass will scan in the precheck line. Otherwise ur screwed. Gracias por nada @Aeromexico

[thinkpiece be with you @stankpalmer]

Yo @TraderJoesList if you're selling this at least use an ethnically stereotypical in-store brand name on the package like "Trader Boy's"

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@stankpalmer @TraderJoesList Or Tito Joe's

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

They did not just use Return of the Mack in a Burger King commercial

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

When an unexpected package of @TinStarFoods ghee arrives at your doorstep. #bestgiftever

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

If I had $5,000 I'd get a plane ticket, sweet Airbnb, and a shopping spree at Whole Foods 🤑 #GetItAll @Postmates

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

If you're not on the bone broth wagon, hop on! https://t.co/YOV60QSN3K

[Dr Kellyann Petrucci @drkellyann]

Guess who made an appearance on tonight's @Jeopardy??? Anyone know the question to this answer?!

[Jason Zook @jasondoesstuff]

Went to the Pantheon. It was amazing. But also amazing, was this "Roman" using an iPhone. Had to add some puns.

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@drkellyann Waiting to see if it gels--so far, tastes AMAZING. #liquidgold

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

Finally making my first batch of bone broth. Hoping to make @drkellyann proud. #gelbabygel

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

Dear Hotels, a gym is not just a collection of treadmills and ellipticals.

[Allison Carpio @allisoncarpio]

@Postmates_Help I got an email saying I have $15 in delivery credit. When I checkout, it shows only a 25 CENT discount. What happened?