Maggie Whatley

Nobody is ugly. There are just different levels of beauty. Therefore, everybody is beautiful. Even you, the one reading this tweet.

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it but you can't see them. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

Whenever someone rings the doorbell, my dog always assumes it's for him.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

Being Addicted to sex is like being addicted to pizza. When its good its great, but when its bad, its still pretty good.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

My girlfriend told me to see things from a girl's point of view, so I looked out the kitchen window.

[Bettyann Fitch @TimonyaMega]

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in our family. Doctor: No, the problem is that no one runs in your family.

[Denise Tirado @tsafta1]

W.O.M.A.N: Wise. Outstanding. Mature. Awesome. Nuturing

[Cheryl Collins @apujaDorr]

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

[Emma Jones @MansurovaAyli]

2chainz is the guy from iCarly that sells bagels

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Where do giant spiders play football? At Webley Stadium!

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Moonwalking into jail, because youre a smooth criminal.

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Loyal women deserve the best!

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

[Lonnie Hammond @ManizhaZamesova]

I want my tombstone to say "Don't just stand there, water my flowers."

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[Emiko Bowie @Bryushinin75]

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

That FML moment when you hop into bed, get under your covers, then realized you forgot to turn off the light.

[Wynona Parker @lkhvedorets_yd]

Don't call my phone with bullshit. Don't text my phone with bullshit. Don't come at me with bullshit. Don't tweet at me with bullshit.

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

If you fight like a married couple, talk like bestfriends, flirt like first loves, protect each other like bro and sis, its meant to be.

[Maggie Whatley @ArefLady]

Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition.