Daryl Licked

Learned English listening to Steve Martin. May I mumbo dogface to the banana patch? Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice..

[Daryl Licked @daryl_licked]

Hi Kevin. Huge fan. I did the survey you posted on FB for the Spider-Man bundle and got ripped off. I only did it because you endorsed it, I normally wouldn’t do something like this. Why would you do this to poor people that can afford such an offer? https://t.co/lptLGKKlOf

[Daryl Licked @daryl_licked]

@MrBeast FYI.. Just got scammed after joining what I thought was your page. People are trying to steal from you fans. Sad. Fans be careful.

[David 🎃 @DBStoner]

I like You,
but not all the required therapy that goes with it.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

twitter: where there's a difference between "you are", "y'our" and "ur"

[Super Wedgie 💙 @permawedgie]

I'm working on hatching a nefarious plot.

Step 1: Login to computer.

Step 2: Look up the word 'nefarious'.

[Super Wedgie 💙 @permawedgie]

Hmm, no coffee, no juice, no milk, so...

Beer. It's what's for breakfast.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

I just had a moment of COMPLETE CLARITY like when you actually look at your underwear one morning & say god I'm throwing this old shit out

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

CNN:

17 rescued elephants flown to US from Swaziland.

Trump accuses elephants of really being from Kenya.

Suggests they might be Muslim.

[Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective]

ME: you're hired

INTERVIEWER: but I'm interviewing you

ME: that sounds like insubordination...I'm sorry but we're gonna have to let you go

[Brian 🇮🇱 @the_littletramp]

Sneezes are just nose orgasms

[Brian 🇮🇱 @the_littletramp]

You say toh-mah-toh and I say it the right way

[Brian 🇮🇱 @the_littletramp]

Stop sign standoffs are the closest I will ever get to challenging someone to a duel

[Daz? @HomeProbably]

I love how people always leave voicemails when I miss their calls.

It's like they want to be ignored twice.

[Daz? @HomeProbably]

Relationship status:

Would get in the van

[Daz? @HomeProbably]

You say lonely.

I say peaceful.