Mary G.

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

and that’s how i met your mother…

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Who do I pray to?

[Mary G. @marysageek]

Couldn’t resist this for #GOsnapshot #GoCreateChallenge #HabitatChallenge 🙈

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

Bing Crosby: "So, I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to 92."

93-year-old: "What about me?"

Bing Crosby: "No, not you."

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Shit's all fucked up.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I’ve run out of special places in hell.

[Mary G. @marysageek]

Share your 2017 concert wishlist for a chance to win a $500 @Ticketmaster Gift Card! Thx @Bandsintown! \m/ https://t.co/1N2goMnjAa

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

remember on Sunday to set your clocks forward 3 months and end 2016 immediately

[K. Daniel Gleason @KDanielGleason]

Hamlet? Such a disaster. Can't decide to be or not. Bigly indecisive. And Ophelia? Not my first choice.

#TrumpBookReports

[Heath Carter @heathwcarter]

Garden of Eden. Really nice asset. Adam should have known better than to listen to crooked Eve. Such a nasty woman. Sad! #TrumpBookReports

[Rita Smith @GretaOrLila]

Anne Frank was a coward. Hiding in an attic & having people steal food for everyone. Just like an immigrant. Nasty woman #TrumpBookReports

[Matthew Swellie @mswellie]

Humpty sat on wall. Mexico paid. Keep borders safe. He fell bigly. Kings horse/men awful. I can make humpty great again. #trumpbookreports

[Natty Adams @Nattyadams]

Crooked captain Ahab bringing American jobs overseas. Lies about rigging ships. Pathetic and sad. #TrumpBookReports

[Christian Michael @augiedawg74]

Les Miserables...that's what Hillary calls my supporters. What a mouth on her! Such a nasty woman. #TrumpBookReports

[jonathankoren trismegistus™ @jonathankoren]

You know who that bell tolls for? It tolls for me. We've got great bells up in Trump Tower. Best bells Big beautiful bells #TrumpBookReports

[Alissa Umansky @a11ssa]

Believe me, she loved to eat, that very hungry caterpillar. No self control. Sad! #TrumpBookReports

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

GOD: They scared enough?

ANGEL: Not yet

GOD: You got Trump running?

ANGEL: Yup

GOD: Hurricane?

ANGEL: Yup

GOD: Ok, send in the clowns.

[bananafanafofisa @lisaxy424]

It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

You can literally follow any Honda Odyssey and you'll end up at Target.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

"What mess?"

~Men