Habibi et al

it was she who wrote to me habibi

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

A guy at work told me he pooped his pants. I asked him if he thought he had that parasitic diarrhea that’s going around and he said “no it’s solid.” So I asked him what happened and he said “I just messed up” and walked to the bathroom.

[freaky hacker chick @effhcee]

it's killing me that the guy in the foreground is doing the same dance

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@rlprsn @SeamusHughes The second is a little iffy too. Blow means shoot? I know it gets the point across, but can you imagine if you got held up by a gang member and said “please don’t blow me!”

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

I’m usually against the death penalty but

[Dikadi. @DikaOfoma]

i hate it when people are strict at a games night because my favourite thing to do at games is cheat. monopoly. charade. whot. ludo. i will cheat. we are adults now and it’s okay to cheat. it’s part of the fun.

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@Gr33nOnions Sometimes ppl live where they’re not born

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

It's called Little Italy because of how little Italy is there.

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@fsholars @dilanesper It literally is lol. The question is about the resources to try it and appoint her an attorney, and more importantly, whether the state’s proof meets the higher criminal burden.

Fraud cases are brought every day.

[Beezy @UTxBeezykingwi]

He ain’t even have to go crazy like that, this was cold af

[Aaron Nagler @AaronNagler]

@BarstoolBigCat

[UtterlyInteresting @UtterlyInterest]

Here is Roger Ebert's first paragraph of his review for "The Mummy" and it is why he was the greatest film critic to ever live

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

whenever i learn something new about love island i get so scared. what do you MEAN there are 6 episodes per week

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@golfpolBuffalo @b4nkruptor @connorrmccarthy @SeamusHughes So where does it say that Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals is wrong?

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@THEREDRANGER3 Add hockey and watch the lead grow

[Habibi et al @mellem_esq]

@THEREDRANGER3 Add hockey and watch the lead grow

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

my coworker just asked that I tweet “Only button that needs to be on the microwave is the +30 seconds one” says it’s gonna do “numbies”

[Joe @electionsjoe]

Fuck

[Antonio @tuititeando]

El tuit más infravalorado de la historia.

[richard 😎 @mounched22]

@atlanticesque "Historical control of the Virgin Islands" is a long time favorite of mine

(single asterisk = "largely under the control of pirates")

[𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖊 🕯 @atlanticesque]

One of the all-time great Wikipedia charts