arlyn-Kay

Stop. Continue.
I know loads of stuff I haven't said

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

Him: sets down water & ibuprofen on nightstand.

Her: What's that for?

Him: For your headache.

Her: I don't have a headache.

Him: AHA!!!

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

@PostNL Ze is er toch 😍

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

@PostNL Hoop dat jullie bezorger ondertussen wel wat heeft gegeten... Wordt laat!

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

*practicing maths w the kids*

7: okay now ask me a reaaaaally difficult question!

6: what would you do if you weren't able to fart?

[the Mom TruthBomb @momTruthBomb]

Parenting is mostly eating cookies to make sure there's an "even amount" and then explaining to your kids why there are no more cookies.

[Howard Mittelmark @HMittelmark]

I never brag about how fast I can read a novel, but at museums it's obvious to everyone I can look at a painting faster than anyone else.

[mama bear @goodmombadbitch]

i mean, if you don't have a dog what do you do when you drop food on the floor? actually bend down and pick it up?

*shudders

[Jimber @notablyharmless]

today i saw 3 unicorns, a dragon, and a properly parked bmw

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

Struggling to wake up early for work and wide awake at that very same time on the weekends.

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

Secretly glad to see my single, childless friend has as much wrinkles on her forehead as I have.

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

Society: "Weird is good, embrace it"

*is myself*

Society: "do you want to reel that in a bit, you fucking weirdo?"

[Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara]

My house is such a disaster I don't even know where to start!

*doesn't start*

Well...that's one problem solved.

[arlyn-Kay @missKSZ]

Husband *excited* I wrote a new slogan for my penis!

Me: ...

Husband: Don't you wanna hear it?

Me: ...

[The Real American Dadass @R_A_Dadass]

We can put a man on the moon but we can't figure out a way to keep kids in their beds overnight? Our priorities are jacked.

[Benny 'SF' Rollins @citizenkawala]

[Receives death threat]

Me: *you're

[Kanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz]

What i said : I really like this song

What i meant : Shut your face for the next few minutes

[Jules @PolishedByJules]

My 8 yo doesn't eat meat, so someone at school called her a vegetarian. She came home upset, saying, "But I don't like vegetables either."

[SingleBabyMama @_SingleBabyMama]

I said hi to someone and a bug flew into my mouth. Lesson learned.

[K @theactualfuc]

I don't make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.