mel

aspiring nurse & twitter sensation

[mel @officialmel7]

the worst part about bumper cars is when they ask for your insurance

[Floomie sarnosa🎲 from miniontwt @Fl00mie]

how can i make this about minions

[tomato girl @visceraldream]

i'm going to have a baby and i'm going to vaccinate the fuck out of it and send it to public school

[Hustlanani @hustlanani]

girl atleast get traumatized by a ceo, pilot, engineer or doctor

[❀ @deallium]

when the bugs start eating my heart all they will taste is you

[mel @officialmel7]

me w a spotted cow fr

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

going to Work with my soft tender whimsical heart

[v. @sweetoblivions]

everyday i open this app and this is all i can think about

[charlie @chunkbardey]

whenever ppl are like "we're looking for people <30 for a new project" it's like hmm. so the alligator is eating the bigger number which is 30. so that must mean they're looking for ppl who are younger than 30 in this case

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I’m well respected in the bug community, but unfortunately bugs don’t live very long so in a month or two I’ll have to earn the bug community’s respect again

[trash jones @jzux]

no YOU’RE getting your ducks in a row. i’m putting my ducks wherever. i am throwing my ducks all over the room to be honest

[Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti]

Wait, wtf is this real?????

[pj @pjayevans]

One of the red balls in front of target came loose and started rolling fast towards an elderly man. Luckily I had a gun

[Rob DenBleyker @RobDenBleyker]

I have information that will lead to the arrest of Moo Deng

[cory @coolmathgame_]

cop: where u headed

me: chuck e. cheese. gonna fight the rat

cop: [handing me his gun] good luck

[cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers]

I'd rather have it and not use it, than need it and not have it.

[cuckold jones @cuckcat]

i was gonna bite you and never let go but whatever bro