Mandolin

Im just me. Get over it.

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

The fact

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

@TheEllenShow

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

Thank you so so much @Shut_up_Marissa I love you! Best birthday gift I've gotten

[opinotnated @oPinotNated]

Settle the fuck down, people who walk on escalators

[Don Swan @TheSwanDon]

Are you saying you CAN'T deep fry my salad or you WON'T deep fry my salad?

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

Thanks @OnlyFastEddie for the cup!

[Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie]

I just pissed off 8 people at the same time... so don't say I'm not good at multitasking.

[Jus @notnowjen]

My wifi went out and you WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE THINGS I GOT DONE

[Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22]

These turtles were teenagers when I was a kid. This movie is so unrealistic.

[The Alicianater @leechee420]

Pumpkin spice flavored Xanax is right around the corner, I just fucking know it.

[Elisabeth @greenmartinis]

Here I go getting emotionally invested in another Lay's potato chip flavor.

[Balls Deep @ThRealBallsDeep]

Plot twist: You shut your mouth and mind your own fucking business.

[Fickle Filly @Fickle_Filly]

7am: *starts diet*

7pm: *eats the house*

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

Loves when @Shut_up_Marissa feels up my timeline. Thanks love!

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

I put my pants on two hops at a time.

[Say it ain't so @Shut_up_Marissa]

I don't really care what people think about me as long as they think I'm pretty

and funny

and smart

and really fucking awesome

[Mandolin @SimplyEffortful]

I'm watching dateline. I'm gonna be up wondering who's gonna come kill me then what they are gonna tell Lester Holt.