Sarah Schmelling

Writer of many things, some of them funny. @tnyshouts, @mcsweeneys, @nytimes, @parentsmagazine and more. Views are my own.

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

I entered the Merrily We Roll Along Lottery for $39 tickets on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: https://t.co/ZhBTwwQqPs

[The New Yorker @NewYorker]

This Mother’s Day, in lieu of brunch (overpriced and meat-heavy, in her opinion), you’re invited to this one-day symposium all about Mom. All attendees will receive wide-ranging, embarrassing anecdotes out of nowhere. https://t.co/CGvoLavCID

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@EmGusk @MonicaHesse Agree! Arts/crafts or school/office supplies.

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@chrisbaty Ha! I remember my brother got the Violent Femmes cassette at Peaches too and he was like 8 years old. We were amazed.

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Best ever security question, eye doc portal. 10 yrs old. Peaches Records, Oak Park, IL. Allowance $. Played it over and over reading along w the lyrics. Rocked my world. @Kathy_Valentine @realginaschock

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@jorie_graham English major, creative writing minor. UW-Madison. Shout out to my fantastic advisor, @JesseLKercheval. Wouldn't change a thing. #iwasanenglishmajor

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@chrisbaty Down the street from Sunday School. :)

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@jkusesherwords @newyorkerhumor Brilliant! That piece was so great and deserves to be put on things!

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@EQuotah So exciting! Congrats!!

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

That's a lot of info, @nytcooking turkey burger recipe.

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

It is my (cusp, solstice) birthday and I've never felt so seen.

[Chani Nicholas @chaninicholas]

WELCOME CANCER SEASON! FEELINGS! CUDDLES! CARE! MOOD SWINGS! ALWAYS ANGLING TO GO HOME! ANTICIPATE EVERYONE’S NEEDS BEFORE THEY HAVE THEM AND WONDER WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS OVERWHELMED! MELANCHOLY! NEVER FORGET THIER FAVORITE SNACK OR HOW THEY BETRAYED YOU! LIFE IS SHORT! HAVE FUN!

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Can’t wait!

[Emily Flake @EmilyFlake]

Big congratulations to the June residents @StNells! We will be welcoming @sschmelling (Sarah Schmelling) , @sarahkaneissexy (Catherine Weingarten), @MeghanPleticha, and #MarySette to Williamsport this summer! Yaaaay!

[Greener Pastures @GreenerPastSat]

We're back w/ #MagicMonday, highlighting our favorite recent humor pieces from the web! This week, we're featuring work from @sschmelling @mcsweeneys @johnmoe @Sassers_ @The_Belladonnas @AmyStrommer @FrazzledHumor @molly_kessler @HumorDarling. Read below! https://t.co/4WRX9uN8Bx

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Thanks so much @The_Belladonnas!

[The Belladonna 🇺🇸❤️🇺🇦 @The_Belladonnas]

This piece by @sschmelling in @mcsweeneys was WOWOW, APLUS, LMFAO, GREAT

Please, World, In A Time Of Infinite Darkness, Just Let Us Have Wordle

https://t.co/GuyqfIR78m

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Happy to share my Wordle obsession (and other things) on @mcsweeneys today!

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Wordle is simple, sweet, and true. Our first time, we got 'BANAL' in four tries. It made us forget, for three minutes, that the world is a filthy cesspit filled with rapidly spawning gremlins."
https://t.co/wKiZbLtLc7

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Sometimes, I just look out the window and wonder what my couch we ordered in April is doing right now.

[The New Yorker Humor @newyorkerhumor]

The game is great, but only in small doses. The third time I got to Call from the School Nurse Though I Know She Also Has Steve’s Number, I got dizzy and had to stop. @sschmelling https://t.co/dDIpK1v7GI

[The New Yorker @NewYorker]

“Why is Mom the only one who knows how the thermostat works? Or what the next-door neighbors’ names are?” https://t.co/nx7BPVAftB

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

Excited to be in Daily Shouts, and share the Mom experience (a challenging but 5-star game). Customer Reviews of Mom: The V.R. Experience https://t.co/07OuEcme6r via @NewYorker

[Sarah Schmelling @sschmelling]

@EQuotah Thanks to you, MY brilliant friend! ❤️