Trace of Bass

Ridiculous. Stupendous. Tremendous.

[Trace of Bass @the_migglest]

I bought my daughter her first makeup kit and honestly if I'd have known fake blood was that cheap I'd have done it months ago.

[Destry @DestryBrod]

If you reverse Elon Musk's name and add an M you get Musk Melon.

Who said my bachelor's in creative writing was a waste of time and money?

[dire wolf @ADDiane]

I'd like to report a missing motivation to move.

[Trace of Bass @the_migglest]

@KaRaRacn75 I'm gauged out to a 6 mm and I curse that poor, underpaid girl every day for making my holes crooked just because my momma thought piercing parlors were run by criminals. 😂

[🔥Firecracker-K🔥 @KaRaRacn75]

I’ve gotta repierce my third holes in my ears.. it’s gonna be easy since they haven’t closer up all the way.. Yet

[Ryans5648 @RyansX5648]

2020 pick up lines

“Hey girl I’m essential”

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

Lily bulbs and seeds are sold out everywhere. So many more people are gardening this year so I’m not even pissed off.

[Trace of Bass @the_migglest]

It should be illegal for tall people to install shelves.

[fredesque @FredTaming]

being the only one that can prevent forest fires is why i have anxiety

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

My cousin is very anal, her pantry is a showcase. Her kid has learned to go and rearrange it and it drives her crazy. Don't look at me I didn't teach him.

[Wolfmann 🇨🇦 @wolfmannjr]

I met a stripper with the crucifix tattooed on her ass. I guess we all have our crosses to bare

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

An opinion is a poor substitute for knowledge.

[Trace of Bass @the_migglest]

People haul ass down our gravel road so my neighbor put out a spray- painted sign stating "SLOW KIDS or else!" in front of our house. Now everyone flips me off. I'd move it but I kind of enjoy being the neighborhood asshole with zero effort on my part.

[🇨🇦 Smokey 🇨🇦 @420iloveweed]

Coffee and weed seems like a good way to kick off the day.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

If life gives you bananas, make banana bread.

If life gives you another fruit, maybe it’s time to ask difficult questions about your life.

[D @dkn33c]

what if the answer isn’t love? what if it’s whiskey?

[pterotactful @pterotactful]

me: ugh i just can’t stop being a masochist

therapist: don’t beat yourself up

[Diana @theseafly]

I'm getting my exercise these days by shaking my head in disbelief.

[Trace of Bass @the_migglest]

The grocery store has implemented black face masks to match the employee's black uniforms and now the bakery section looks like it has an army of ninjas protecting the bagels.