Ashley Martin

She wants to fall in love with you but she is afriad of getting hurt, afriad of lies and afriad she will only end up with tears in her eyes.

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

iPhone + iPad + iMac = iBankrupt.

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

You're 9 and you have a phone? ... Who do you call? Dora?

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.

[Rowena Dowdle @turchenkok1]

Twitter is a good excuse to talk to your self without looking stupid.

[Laura Curry @PichkovaRada]

I cant stand when people say a baby's age in months after a year old, the parent is like "yeah he's 29 months old. Like, seriously?

[Becky Castile @vanyutina1983]

My parents accused me of being a liar. I looked them straight in the eye and said, "Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause..." & walked away like a boss.

[Theresa Burch @aksentiymanevi1]

Did u hear McDonald killed Burger King in front of Popeye's over that bitch Wendy? The funeral is at K.F.C. You going? Im taking the Subway.

[Cynthia Harris @Smiyanenko924]

Am I on twitter? Hell yeah! Did I text back? Fuck no! Did I see your subtweet? Surely did. Do I give a fuck? Fuck no!

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

That awkward moment when you're trying to explain how a song goes but you really don't want to sing it

[Evelyn Tenney @MsKulapchin]

The rewards for ambition in most countries are High Taxes.

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

[Melissa Robinson @81Fil]

I wonder if the clothes in China say, 'Made around the corner.'

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

Kony 2012 - Unable to capture him, yet they are able to take a perfect HD photo of him...

[Margret Allison @2016Telyuk]

I was on the road to nowhere. And I arrived.

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

Im not ignoring your calls, my ringtone is just that awesome.

[Ashley Martin @trushchakov93]

Take a pic of a friend with their face squished against glass. Assign to phone contact, it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone.

[Joann Cook @MrNarkaz]

Broke people always tryna make plans

[Laurel Felder @AMiroshkov]

"Are you gay?"