Rhonda Machuca

I may not be the prettiest, smartest or strongest, but at least I'm me and I don't pretend to be someone that I'm not meant to be.

[Kelly Lynn @arakelyants1]

"H3y wUt r yhu dooinq?" ... About to throw a dictionary at yo ass

[Sara Noe @96_vakalov]

I'm pretty sure the reason bugs fly around our heads, is because they get a sick pleasure watching us slap ourselves.

[Carolyn Sturdevant @aledinskiy]

It's going to be drizzy outside. Expect a lil wayne.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

Having a bad day is like watching a boring movie. You wanna fast-forward to the part where everyone dies.

[Lena Savage @izgarsheva1989]

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

All I heard was "I swear it'll be fun" and then we were in jail.

[Amanda Martinez @5iFseldimirova]

How did the Dinosaur pass his exam? With Extinction!

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

Hoe, don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am, and my attitude depends on who you are.

[Georgine Murrieta @RekrutSerafima]

By the time you realize, what your parents said was RIGHT You'll have kids who begin to think you're WRONG.

[Anita Garris @Chesner80]

White bitches get pregnant and get a show "16 and Pregnant" Black bitches get pregnant and get 30 minutes of Maury.

[Kathlyn Johnson @63Dtulueva]

Money may not solve every problem, but it would likely solve my money problem.

[Dorothy Peeples @10_bozhek76]

Ever noticed how your funniness goes up 100% when you are around your best friend?

[Diane Middleton @96Atayan]

Always remember the ones who were there for you.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

[Hilda Goncalves @88_zugrya]

Voldemort is like a girl.He has a diary,a favorite ring & necklace,a tiara,a special cup,a pet he adores & an obsession with a teen boy.

[Brittany Wilkie @MsMiliotina]

Dumb phone, that wasn't a "missed" call. That was a "Looked And Saw Who It Was And Pressed Ignore" call.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

Twitter makes you improve your writing, the 140 character limit forces you to master the art of getting to the point

[Angela Greene @asemyachkina]

Just Changed all my passwords to Incorrect . So my computer reminds me "Incorrect Password" when I forget.

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

U-G-L-Y, YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI YOU UGLY, YEA YEA YOU UGLY!