Cindy Underwood

We don't lose friends. We just learn who our real friends are.

[Linda Bryant @sapeleva]

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

[Brenda Blackmon @fsmotorchuk]

This is that awkward moment when we don't tweet about those usual awkward moment tweets.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

If bartenders can't serve drunk people, then how come McDonalds can serve fat people?

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

Feeling the need to shower everytime you leave Walmart.

[Vicky Billingsley @chalkov_volodya]

If people could read my mind, I'd probably owe them a cigarette.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

*Browsing Facebook* *See's bitchy status* 78 COMMENTS! *Gets popcorn* This is gonna be good.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

Facebook is my friend. YouTube is my voice. Google is my brain. Twitter is my heart.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

Two girls wear the same shirt: "She copied my style!" Two guys wear the same shirt: "BRO!"

[Julianne Sites @GerontiyMs]

Whenever someone rings the doorbell, my dog always assumes it's for him.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

By the time you realize, what your parents said was RIGHT You'll have kids who begin to think you're WRONG.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

How do Hypnotists get from place to place? By public trance-port!

[Rhonda Machuca @zipamtom]

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

Don't call my phone with bullshit. Don't text my phone with bullshit. Don't come at me with bullshit. Don't tweet at me with bullshit.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

You 12 years old and u claim to be a "bad bitch"? Sit yo lil azz down and get hooked on phonics.

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

[Cindy Underwood @88Pamfil]

Sometimes you gotta accept the fact that certain things will NEVER go back to how they use to be.

[Karen Reyes @chuppueva1]

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

[Alyson Fitz @echeblukov]

90% of the ocean remains unexplored and youre telling me mermaids dont exist?

[Rita Duplessis @94Mefodiy]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.