@AlexNevilAgain

I am Elon Musk. You don’t need to parody me. I’m obviously perfectly capable of doing it myself.

[@AlexNevilAgain @AlexNevilAgain]

You’ve been a great crowd. Tip your waitresses and be good humans.

[Jay Black @jayblackisfunny]

@elonmusk Elon, buddy, you’re just radiating “substitute teacher who’s in over his head” energy right now.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

i really wanna see that bunny

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

It’s a beautiful day. Lots of people out walking their phones.

[∂ebraℓee @darksidedeb]

There's tennis elbow, and golfer's elbow, but surprisingly no drinker's elbow.

[Matty @bestestname]

I intend to become a complete bitch at 10k

[Mac Dickson @MacDicksonShow]

Makes dentist appointment early in the morning so I don’t worry about it all day.

(Wakes up at 2am worrying about morning dentist appointment.)

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Videt diem. (Sees the day.)

[karen @klsmd12]

hammocks are a gateway drug to nirvana

[Third Eye Design @3eyedesign]

Who are you supposed to talk to about the walk up music for your funeral?

[@AlexNevilAgain @AlexNevilAgain]

@Jake_Vig It’s time to NOT be nice!

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

Me: New outfit?
Wife: This old thing? I’ve had it for…
Me: The bank sent me an alert on my phone.
Wife: …minutes.

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

Bar at Heathrow One hour on a
Airport treadmill
🤝
Trying to get rid of these last 15
pounds

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

Last night’s winning numbers in the Mega Jenny drawing:

8, 67, 5, 30, 9

[@AlexNevilAgain @AlexNevilAgain]

@PaleCrow12 All of a sudden I’m feeling slightly better about my parenting skills.

[ADHDean @ADHDeanASL]

All these people talk about kindness and social responsibility but then they retweet poetry

[👽 Alien Archaeologist 👽 @ClassADude]

Hey everybody, there's a Halloween Party at the Hotel California this year!

[C’est La Vie @Robert_Beau]

It has a Half Pound Pattie.

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

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