Vagina Meanologues

I'm just a woman, living the ultimate housewife's hell.

[Kris 🌻💛 @MythicalCrystal]

My kid thinks I look like a scientists sister with my new glasses. Why can't I be the scientist, young man?

[Corey Paterson @Midgetspar]

Alt control delete until there's nothing left.

[GrossHopper @AGStr8upNinja]

If Mortal Kombat was realistic Sonya Blades finishing move would've been bitching in Scorpions ear until his head exploded.

[Vagina Meanologues @DontFuckWithMom]

Fuck it! I'm here again. Couldn't stay away anymore. What'd I miss?

[Vagina Meanologues @DontFuckWithMom]

My husband is the nagging, overly emotional wife I never wanted.

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she decides to burn your house down.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

Fact: No matter which line I choose,
it will always end up being the slowest.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

If you want something quicker, get it yourself.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

I'm at my sexiest when I try to run in flip flops in the rain.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

Pro Tip: Don't talk to her when she's angry.

She's watched "A Thousand Ways To Die",

and remembers Every. Single. One.

[Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals]

*Beats guy over the head with celery.*

Stalking is hard.

[Jackman...Forever @TheAlexP]

The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off..

it's Science

[Tony @tsm560]

We're all fucked, but some of us are fucked better than others.

[Katie | 18 | 🇨🇦 @angrynerdyshark]

I used to suck at tweeting.

I still do, but I also used to.

[Dave @dmroberts1000]

I'm a glass is smashed kind of person

[The Eh Factor 🇨🇦 @AngeLaBambaaaa]

They said when you feel hungry to drink more. So now I'm hammered and still hungry.

Worst diet advice ever.