🖤 Sash 🖤

~ In a committed relationship with my demons and the monster in my closet. ~

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

You know who doesn't lie to you?? Loaded baked potatoes.

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@RiotGrlErin @IDontSpeakWhine Oooooooh, fank yew so much. I'm glad that someone shares my love for uhm special baths 😂

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@MadHatterMommy

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@azedand2knots

[Tori @ToriTheMom]

Fitness level: Sets reminders to stretch, doesn't do it

[CC 🦋 @CCRuns]

Server, taking our order: Will that be all?
My husband, to me : Do you want anything else?
Me: I think that's good unless you want something else?
Server: That's enough.

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@CunniLinguist77 😭😭😭😭

[💀SpookyLittleComic👻 @CunniLinguist77]

There’s nothing more Murphy's law than a sudden case of the shits an hour before you get your butthole waxed.

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@numberjack3 @fartoothinky My friend 🖤

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

Self care: Summoning a demon while taking a relaxing bath in the blood and tears of your enemies.

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@RiotGrlErin @Tobi_Is_Fab @MedusaOusa @toomanycommas3 @EdgarPoop1 @MobsterRed @IDontSpeakWhine 😌😌😌

https://t.co/Bdnzj85XYw

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

Self care: Summoning a demon while taking a relaxing bath in the blood and tears of your enemies.

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

@ByrdMan0914

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

If he texts you "Sorry, fell asleep"... text back "Oh, it's fine. I was busy digging your grave all night anyway." Stay toxic, besties.

[cella @cellapaz]

my amazon wishlist…or as i like to call it, “where my hyperfixations go to die”

[a random Brandon @brandomonium]

Instagram: makes me hate myself
Twitter: makes me hate the world
Facebook: makes me hate the great deals in Amazon targeted ads

[🖤 Sash 🖤 @SashMoon83]

Me: *Perfectly fine not eating all day*

Also me 5 mins into a fast for a medical procedure: *Instantly dies of hunger*

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

What I said: Please bring your laundry downstairs.

What my son heard: Please drop your laundry from the second floor down into the foyer as I stand at the front door talking to our neighbor so a dirty balled up sock can bounce off my head and into her face.

[Julicorn @ChicksRule]

Happy being free from the Brits who now have more freedoms than you do

[Maddy 👗👟👒🍃☂️ @MadHatterMommy]

“Have you tried sleeping vertically about it?”, me, as a realtor.

[Melissa @awkwardenabled]

Someone just said “I like it raw” so naturally I sang, “yeah baby, I like it raw” with a little gyrating action and now HR is emailing me again