Sarcastic Smurfette

So am I twittering or tweeting? Oh, smurf it - I'll just saying smurfing, like every other smurfing thing I do!

[Mr Sarcastic @raymondh3h3]

I want to be nice but everyone is so stupid.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

I instantly and unreasonably dislike anyone who orders after me but receives their meal before me.

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

If you ever feel stuck at your job just remember that Pat Sajak has been hosting Wheel of Fortune for 175 years.

[Meredith @PerfectPending]

Kidless friend: what do you do all day?
Me: *Looks around at mess
Honestly, I'm not sure. But, it makes me really really tired.

[Fickle Filly @Fickle_Filly]

Maybe I'm just too demanding? Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold?
Maybe I'm just like my mother? She's never satis-

Therapist: Get out

[BiscuitFloater @BiscuitFloater]

In the past two days, I've heard the names "Ruth," "Emma," and "Martha."

Suddenly it's the 1880s again.

[EricaTriesToTweet @EricaWhoToYou]

You aren't a real mom until you have a car with an overstuffed glove compartment filled with napkins stolen from fast food restaurants.

[Blu @TwoSapphiresBlu]

Can't. Too busy thinking about my over-thinking and worrying about how much I worry.

[Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective]

Some people call me the Space Cowboy
Some call me the Gangster of Love
Some people call me Maurice
But my name's Gary
Please call me Gary

[Sarcastic Smurfette @SmurfetteDE]

This just solidified that this was the day from hell.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

I think after taking ten selfies your phone should shut down until you read a book.

[Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins]

I'm not saying I gave up on parenting today, but I did just let my 5yo put sprinkles on his goldfish crackers.

[bubble girl @JessObsess]

I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally... just that I'm at the liquor store.

[Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective]

Welcome to Air Supply™...your 1-stop shop for everything you could possibly want

-Yeah, I need some love

I'm sorry, we're all out of love

[Trey @treydayway]

I just talked on my phone for over an hour like some type of caveman from the 90s.

[Trey @treydayway]

Minding one's own fucking business would stop 86.71% of all drama in the world.

[Sarcastic Smurfette @SmurfetteDE]

Woman ordering a burger: Extra mayo, extra bacon... Light on the lettuce.

Ugh, yeah. Leave that disgusting lettuce off. That would ruin it.

[Ann @writerPT]

My whole entire body: I'm exhausted. It's time for bed.

My brain: Oh no it's not. We're just getting started.

[Ann @writerPT]

Hubs: If you could sleep with...

Me: THOR!!!

Hubs: ...the fan off tonight, that'd be great.

Me: Ohhhh...