FudgeRobot

For three weeks in 2007 I unknowingly became a snowman. Chapstick is more important to me than my family.

[FudgeRobot @FudgeRobot]

"Sorry I didn't get back to you, things have been crazy lately"..... someone whose life hasn't been crazy lately and doesn't like you.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

What’s it called when the number of things you try not to think about is greater than the number of things you actually think about?

[FudgeRobot @FudgeRobot]

"Sorry I didn't get back to you, things have been crazy lately"..... someone whose life hasn't been crazy lately and doesn't like you.

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Date: What do you do?
Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food

[Dⓔⓢⓟⓘⓒⓐⓑⓛⓔ_B☄️ @BeagirlNJ]

Twitter. Because strangers are better than the people you know.

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

you can put a donut on a salad and still call it a salad. no one can legally stop you

[Pho 👑 Chef @ExBoltsFan]

I have a medical alert bracelet that says,”Delete Twitter.”

[Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked]

If I ever say I love you while we're fucking, it's only because I love you while we're fucking.

[Mac Dickson @MacDicksonShow]

Yes, auto-correct, I wanted to wish my friend a happy 4th of Judy.

[Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 @PinkCamoTO]

"It's too early for this shit."

Me, no matter what time it is.