Shannon Miller

If he misses you, he'll call. If he cares, he'll show it. If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.

[Christi Oliver @X1Gazukin2016]

I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply.

[Lillian Toledo @zdirun]

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

[Nell Sanchez @ArzamasovaMaya]

I honestly enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

[Sherri Seaton @kurlovich2016]

Sorry for punching you in the face, but you should've told me that was an oatmeal raisin cookie and not chocolate chip before I bit into it.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

Never let someone steal your happiness... it was never theirs to take.

[Delores Morgan @SeynaVip]

Dear Job Application, if this is an entry level position, how am I supposed to have previous experience...

[Agnes Starkey @mkorablinskaya]

I don't hate you it's just...... No I hate you.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

I didn't hit you, I simply high fived your face.

[Christy Crites @zmuzlanova]

I'm a lazy texter, unless you're cute, or I like you.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

Hoes will be hoes, Monday - Saturday & starting again Sunday after church services.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

My youngest son pointed to a picture of R2D2 and said, "WALL-E!" ...He's dead to me now.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

That awkward moment when you show someone something really funny & they don't think it's funny at all.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

Car sickness is that feeling you get every month when the payment is due.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

I got pulled over for drunk driving... but honestly, in my defence, I didn't even know I was driving.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

I only smoke on days that end in Y.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

They should definitely have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

[Shannon Miller @mabrazheeva]

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch." - Orson Welles

[Mildred Gossage @97_rzaev]

I just woke up 5 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. What kind of Inception bullshit is this?