Krista Gates

Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

That awkward moment when youve already said what? three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

"SO THIS BITCH." - - The start of an amazing story

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

My wife said to me, "I want you to whisper dirty things into my ear." So I whispered, "kitchen, bathroom, living room..."

[Esther Pullins @0zIzokaytis75]

Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a Plane." Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat."

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

Scientists have found that putting the phrase "Scientists have found" in front of something will make people read it.

[Jacqueline Goodman @2015Stepanyan]

If the shoe fits... buy it in every color.

[Lilly Pettit @debora_venerova]

90% of the ocean remains unexplored and youre telling me mermaids dont exist?

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.

[Tressa Borrego @91Kirik]

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

People need to worry about their own life and not whats going on with others

[Joy Meeks @bruseninaf]

Me? Weird? Bitch please, I'm limited edition.

[Regina Saylor @abyduos]

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait.. It's the flying fuck I will never give.

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

Those women on Fashion TV are so thin because no matter what time you switch to the channel, you'll always see them walking.

[Krista Gates @minslu1]

Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm. ?

[Melody Lynch @rimkhanitskiy]

Noone dies a virgin...life screws us all.

[Belinda Preston @yzenuDall]

Just Changed all my passwords to Incorrect . So my computer reminds me "Incorrect Password" when I forget.

[Tiffany Roberts @maulikha1]

There's a special place in Hell reserved for people who use hashtags on Facebook.

[Wendy Garcia @LoktyushinMs]

My bank sent me a letter saying it's the last time they will spend 50 cents to tell me I have 2 cents in my account.

[Beverly Donahue @DSpataev1976]

Finally found my wife's G-spot when I grabbed the handle of the vacuum cleaner.

[Kathleen Haugland @khodnenko98]

I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.