Josefina Hammond

Sometimes you have to forget whats gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming next.No DM

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

If you ever get sad, think of a T -Rex trying to masturbate

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Twitter made me love strangers I've never met & Facebook made me hate people I've known all my life.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

A recent study shows that 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

[Nanci Hebert @FlorentinSuper]

I know kung-fu, taekwondo, and 34 other dangerous words.

[Jamie Lawyer @khaliullina941]

Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I'm not beating her.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Ever been in a situation where you know someone is lying to you, but you sit there waiting to see how far they'll take it?

[Marilu Howard @gatin962]

Not being able to iron out all of his problems made the dry cleaner very depressed.

[Julianne Sites @2016Steshenko]

Reasons why I stop replying: 1. I'm busy 2. you're boring 3. I'm mad 4. you replied with one word 5. I'm on twitter 6. I'm eating

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

If Facebook retains ownership of everything you post, I'm going to upload my debt.

[Rosalind Fiala @IgorSheykhov]

Where do giant spiders play football? At Webley Stadium!

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

If bartenders can't serve drunk people, then how come McDonalds can serve fat people?

[Jessica Autry @potashnaya]

"I wasn't that drunk" "Dude you asked your girlfriend if she was single!"

[Ethel Roebuck @ulotuDotti]

Always remember the ones who were there for you.

[Marion Morgan @korenfeld82]

What do they call the cause of death if an axe fell on you? An axe-i-dent!

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Our generation doesn't ring the doorbell. They text or call to say they're outside.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Teacher:How old is your dad.Student:He is as old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Student:Because he became a dad only after I was born.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

What a wifey understands, a hoe could NEVER comprehend.

[Josefina Hammond @saychulin]

Even if people turn their backs on you, God never does.