Squiggle Line

Gambling is not an addiction because I don't have the munchies.

[Squiggle Line @squiggIeline]

Life's better when you're thinking about something funny to post on Twitter.

[MiAmo Ⓜ @MaMikeamo]

Some of us are just here for the laughs. We aren't looking for anything. That's hard for some to figure out...

[` @ymmayerr]

actually you know what
why the FUCK havent we made blenders quieter, we found a way to silence guns, SURELY someone can silence a blender
please
theyre so fucking loud

[kuki @kumxem]

twitter is like the smoking area for social media

[Squiggle Line @squiggIeline]

@hiimles 😯

[Ska Cat @bustertheskacat]

when you think about it, adulthood is absolutely terrifying

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

We should all start
texting each other like
old-time explorers.
“Dearest friend, I have
survived another week.
The horrors persist.”

[badkitty @badkitty_]

Can't, we're decorating the tree this weekend for our Ebola holiday celebration

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

Everybody needs a special place they can escape to.

*takes a nap

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

I hope this time we have to stay 600 feet away from each other.

[Mistress Dividend @mistressdivy]

i wonder if color blind people read Colorado as just ado

[MiAmo Ⓜ @MaMikeamo]

I held off going to the bathroom to read your meltdown.

[Alfie @DownFrontArtist]

Don't give up your dreams go back to sleep.

[L 🇨🇦 @Ann_Hedonia1]

When you die there’s probably ads on the way toward the light

[🍂 @Lovandfear]

books are so cool because there are NO FUCKING ADS IN THEM

[masha @masha_slp]

What doesn’t kill you gives you cortisol spike, weight gain and hair loss.

[ひ @yungnstackin]

If you think about it, a scientists whole job is to fuck around and find out

[badkitty @badkitty_]

Jehovah's Witnesses on my front porch on Easter Sunday:

"Open the Fuckin' Door, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell -- JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah."

Me, answering the door, loudly munching:

"Would you care for a Cadbury Creme Egg?"

[alexei @alexeixbt]

nobody coming to save you also implies
no one is coming to stop you

[진아 @EdgarPoop1]

I could never survive alone in the wilderness I’d be too busy trying to make every animal love me