Suzanne Yanez

You change for two reasons. Either you learn enough that you want to or you've been hurt enough that you have to.

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

"No, son. I'm married."

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

A penny saved is a government oversight.

[Evelyn Tenney @baldygin98]

When you're tired, draw strength from God. When you're speechless, talk to God. When you feel alone, look around, there is God.

[Michelle Erickson @lbedinadze]

ME: How about a quickie? *pulls pants down*

[Jessica Autry @potashnaya]

I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

You claim you are a "bad bitch" but you have no house, no car, and no job you're not a bad bitch you're doing bad, bitch.

[Judith Quandt @ksogdatbanu]

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

Whenever someone rings the doorbell, my dog always assumes it's for him.

[Monica Hill @VityaVorzheva]

One thing a man learns from an argument with a woman is to be a good loser.

[Leta Martinez @vagulich]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

My son told me he could see the future. So I punched him in the face. "Guess you're not very good at it."

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

Yeah, bitches! I just sharpened a pencil with a KNIFE. I feel like such a man. I'm gonna go show my mom. BRB

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Will you go out with me? (a) Yes (b) a (c) b

[Bettyann Fitch @TimonyaMega]

The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.

[Vicki Dennie @86Flisa]

I hate smart ass teachers. Me: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know, can you? Me: BITCH I WILL SHIT ON YOUR DESK.

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

[Suzanne Yanez @chintsov1]

Facebook is my friend. YouTube is my voice. Google is my brain. Twitter is my heart.

[Ethel Barnes @AbramFedorinin]

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce." - Mark Twain