Myrrh

Writer/Ex-Librarian Nerdish Mum of 3 Boys with @stroz /Me: /My writing: /My photos:

[Myrrh @ixix82]

*stares out window at bird
*feels inspired by balance of fragile beauty and grandeur in nature
*realizes it was a dead leaf the whole time

[Myrrh @ixix82]

All these years I've been walking my dog and he has not once wrapped his leash around our legs to make me fall in a meet-cute heap with an attractive passerby for ensuing romantic hijinks.
Selfish mutt.

[Myrrh @ixix82]

Me: "He doesn't like violence."
11: "That's not true! I just don't like the 'people dying' part of violence!"

[Myrrh @ixix82]

Thank you, public school system, for sending home such a delicious recipe. I will keep it handy because it is clearly too complicated to remember...

[not active @daveccher]

No, that's Norse Code. It's very similar, but uses a series of snowballs and icicles.

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Whenever I see an adult smiling for no apparent reason I assume they have some kind of internal joy and it baffles me

[Trey @treydayway]

They'll get rid of guns when the poor finally start to rise up.

[bananafanafofisa @lisaxy424]

WOW WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE WINTER IS OVER

*2 minutes later*

ughhhh i’m hhhhot

[Mythic Picnic @MythicPicnic]

Your tweet is interesting, but the plot of eating cheese—while delicious—isnt enough to support the story, so we won't be retweeting it.

[Melvin of York @MelvinofYork]

What if the message is "I'm here to kill you," is it ok to shoot the messenger then

[Pizza Las Vegas 🍕🎲 @muyrando]

I came here to do two things: chew bubble gum and publicly apologize for how stupid I am and I forgot the bubble gum. I'm such an idiot, sorry about that.

[MichaelTrying @MichaelTrying]

“This recipe was (great/terrible). I did not follow the recipe as written.”

-recipe reviews

[Salty Mermaid Entertainment @saltymermaident]

Am I the only one who gets irrationally angry at my GPS for interrupting my music?

[Rich Cromwell @rcromwell4]

Don't let my daydreaming interfere with your verbosity. Go for the gusto.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

I hear the buzz of the motion sensor before the porch light even goes on, so, yeah, I can track your killer.

[Myrrh @ixix82]

17yo niece: "He's cute! His name is Hogan."
Me: "Like Hulk Hogan?"
17: "... I don't know what that means."
Me: "I'm returning your birthday present."

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

That face when you just wanted a faster way to rank girls by looks and ended up installing a fascist government in the most powerful country on earth

[Serg @bonehugsnirony]

Ideal first date
-they don’t brag about anything
-mysterious dark eyes
-you don’t know why but you really want to hug them
-they’re no longer an endangered species
-ok you’re dating a panda, be careful they’re afraid of commitment

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

If you can spell Zach Galifianakis unassisted, congratulations, you’re Zach Galifianakis.